Getting Over Fears: Lowering The Gradient To Be Able To Meet Up With Women And Connect With Women
Last week one of my buddies asked a question that i thought was worth talking about. He asked about how to overcome fears which pop up at times - even when things are going great.
In fact it is not a simple question to reply to considering that it varies from person to person. There are literally thousands of books that have been written on that matter alone. However, one of the best ways I have used to overcome my fears generally involves lowering the gradient.
Exactly what are gradients? Gradients are similar to steps on a ladder. If you try to go to the top of the ladder on your first step, it will probably be impossible and you will fail. If you keep trying it over and over you may begin to build up a "complex" about failing, and soon stop trying anymore.
If you try to leap up five or six steps in your first try, it will also be frightening - not really impossible but scary. Probability is that if you have no experiences leaping that high you will fail too.
The proper approach is to take the initial step and then advance one-step at a time. It is the most pleasant method to climb a ladder.
Here are a few examples of how I apply that to get over fears that pop up in meeting women and dating women:
As many guys do, I often go out to meet women in a social setting. This can be especially scary. So I am approaching an attractive woman in a party, rather than telling her how gorgeous she is and how much I am attracted to her (that exposes my fear of being shot down in front of a lot of people and embarrassed) I lower the gradient of approach and just say "Hi." If a girl likes you or has an interest in you she will discover a means to continue the conversation. If she doesn't then i know she has no interest in me and the simple "Hi" just shows that I am friendly - not necessarily even flirting - so I don't feel shot down in front of many people.
If I am starting to date a woman and I am afraid of taking the next step of trying to get intimate with her, I will not ask her "Do you want to get intimate?" I take a lower gradient and ask her if she wants to relax, get cozy, and just listen to music at my home. If she doesn't want to get intimate she surely won't wish to be alone with me, getting cozy at my place. Or rather than trying to suddenly "kiss her", I will simply hold her hand or give her light touches every now and again to discover how responsive she is to my touch. If she likes my touch she will begin touching me back to give me the go ahead signal.
These are a few examples. If you feel awkward and scared simply try to think of a lower gradient which isn't as scary and lets you make forward progress toward your main goal. If you do this you will know how to meet women and the way to connect with them in a short time.
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